Reflecting on 2020
2020 has not gone anywhere like how I expected it to, I’m sure it hasn’t gone how ANY of us expected it to. As I reflect on the end of the year I am reminded of how good God is and even through the struggles He always remains faithful. I pray that this blog brings encouragement to those who maybe have been struggling or who are feeling the call to step back into the faith. Grab a snack and get cozy, this may be a long one.
At the end of 2019 I re-gave my life to Christ. Truly I felt like it was the first time I had actually come to know Him, and I can honestly say that 2020 was the ULTIMATE test of faith.
When we give our life to Christ, we more-or-less understand that we are surrendering our fleshly and earthly ways to obey and follow God’s guidance. It is simple yet complicated, especially for someone like me who likes to be “safe” and take control of my life myself. But when we take that leap of faith, and allow ourselves to be guided by God’s way, we get to see and experience the blessings that God has in store for us. Blessings bigger than what we, as man, could ever create for ourselves. Blessings that we may even be getting in the way of when we chose to intentionally limit our faith and do things our own way. Now this doesn’t mean that we are exempt from struggles, challenges, or even facing our breaking point, But it means no matter what obstacles we face, we will always have God’s guidance to help us navigate through it.
December 2019 was my breaking point, I found myself on my knees crying out to God. We were struggling to pay rent on time and to put food on the table. I am thankful for the help we received that month and we were anxious to be better come January 2020. How we got to that point? Honestly I don’t know. We were pretty financially responsible, I started a full time job at the beginning of the year,and It was supposed to be the year we grew our financial goals. The year 2020 has showed that even though we pray for miracles and break-through, they don’t always present themselves in the way that we expect them to.
January 2020 finally came and it felt like a breath of fresh air, a new start, new goals, a new outlook on life. I prayed that God continue to lead us out of the hole that we had created for ourselves and show us the way. Never in a million years did I did we would experience basically a world-wide shut down and a pandemic.
March 2020 I was temporarily laid off, that was the beginning of what I remember to be the shut downs in the US. Initially I was apprehensive, especially given our recent financial situation. But the more I prayed and the more I got into the Word the more I felt peace. I was reminded that life is not in my hands but in His, and that I needed to trust the process. I had also been struggling with immense guilt for months leading up until this point. I so deeply wanted to come back to the home, I didn’t want to care anymore what society thought of me if I was a stay at home mom or a working mom. I felt guilty that Olivia was going through milestones and I wasn’t the one seeing them first. I felt guilty, is she going to only remember me waking her up in the mornings just to get her ready and drop her off at daycare for the rest of the day. I truly felt like God knew what he was doing, because although i was struggling with that conviction, I absolutely loved my job and I would not have left if it wasn’t for the pandemic.
March was also the time my spouse unexpectedly started a new job, he had not been searching but the opportunity presented itself. After much prayer Johnny embarked on a new adventure. The job was temporary, seeing as the company was uncertain of their future due to the immense shut downs. We really stepped out on a leap of faith for this one, because the job my husband was at previously was a permanent position, of which he had been working at for about 3 years, and was guaranteed job security. Yes, he left his permanent job for a temporary one. Old earthly us would have never stepped out on the leap of faith. We would’ve stayed in our safe, comfortable path, continuing to do what we knew… But when I tell you God is not fallible, I mean it. The DAY he started his new job, His previous one shut down. A huge multi million dollar company, laid off hundreds HUNDREDS of employees keeping only a handful.
In May 2020 I finally bit the bullet and publicly announced that I had started a blog. This was a huge thing for me as I am super socially awkward in real life and was extremely nervous at how people who knew me would react. I was met with so much love and support. This was something I had felt called to do for so long, but because of my own insecurities I did not pursue. Surely God doesn’t want ME to do this. I didn’t think I was the one He wanted to be an encouragement to others, I didn’t feel like I had anything to offer. But that my friends, was the enemy feeding me lies. I also had very little faith that anything would come from it (at first), and that i had to be tied to a “regular” job or career to help provide for my family. And while I’ve stared off only making pennies, the potential for growth was shown to me, and i am so grateful that life forced me to slow down so that i could have this opportunity.
July 2020 it was time for my husbands 90 day review. We had faith that he would be offered a permanent position, and he was. But we didn’t expect was that they’d offer him the permanent position with a lower salary..after much praying my husband presented a counter offer, and they met in the middle. Ideally, it did not go how we had planned, but again. God is faithful, and we have been so blessed nonetheless.
August 2020 we made it to the end of our apartment lease. By the grace of God we had built up our savings and even paid off the majority of our debt. Truly the only thing that I can say about that is, It was all God. A true testimony of Matthew 6:30-34. We had been working diligently and had been disciplined about keeping the faith, obediently following what we had felt God ask of us, we started tithing and being selfless financially to those in need; and He was staying true to His promises.
October – November was honestly a blur. I did struggle a bit with my faith as well as my mental health. I became overwhelmed with elections, politics, censorship, and things of this Earth. I had to really take a step and re-evaluate what I was prioritizing. The things I was consuming were causing havoc in my life. When i’m in the Word and living each day to mindfully honor God i’m more meek, humbled, grateful, and still. When I consume too much what goes on on this earth i’m more rigid, snappy, I misspeak, i’m disconnected, and i’m anxious. I asked God for discipline and that he allow me be delivered from my convictions because I was really struggling. I felt so weighed down by things of this world. I also knew that this was the month that we’d have to start looking for homes in order to meet our 60 day deadline for our apartment lease. I was feeling anxious, and truthfully a little PTSD from the season we experienced starting this time last year.
November – December we started our search and found a home that we loved. We placed an offer and it was accepted. A home, our very first home that we own. I envisioned something unlike I would have ever imagined. This year I felt the pull to live a more simpler life. I think after loosing our home in 2017 to a natural disaster, to pretty much being completely broke last year, I really learned that the important things in life are not tangible. Its not what kind of house you live in, the car you drive, or items that you do or do not own. But its how you live. I strive to honor and live for God, to serve my family, be a good mother and a homemaker. 10 years ago if you would’ve told me i’d be saying this I would have straight up laughed at you. Seriously. After some searching we found our place. Land with a humble home, and I could not be more overcome with joy and gratefulness.
2020 taught me to release control, and to fearlessly honor and listen for God’s guidance. 2020 taught me that blessings and miracles tend to come in what we see as struggles, uncertainty and as God telling us no. But I like to believe it’s Him moving and making way so that way we follow the course that He has for us.
I’ve connected with some amazing Bloggers to share some blogs featuring New Years Resolutions, Goals, Inspiration, Motivation and more! Head to each of their blogs to check out what they are sharing.
Cheyenne | Overcoming Obstacles
Amy | Here’s to Thirty-Six
Kimmy | Making Resolutions In 2021
Annie | Things to Do in 2021