I am a recovering perfectionist.
You might think, “perfectionist? why is that a bad thing?”
You see, being a perfectionist is not just something as simple as wanting to be the best that you can be at something. Perfectionism can be suffocating and I’m learning that it’s contradictory to who God says we need to be.
For me, perfectionism is ALL-OR-NOTHING. It’s having overwhelming anxiety that’s stops me from doing a task if I am not guaranteed that it will come out 100% to my standards or expectations. I looked to perfectionism to find peace. Looking deeper I truly feel this can be an issue rooted in anxiety, needing control, maybe even feeling like this is the only way you have purpose.
I am a work in progress, I do my best to acknowledge and work on the intrusive thoughts that come to mind when I’ve left a sink full of dishes in the kitchen, or when I leave a small pile of clothes in the basket that I didn’t fold along with the rest of the laundry I had put away that day.
I’ve allowed myself to appreciate and find gratitude in even the smallest of tasks. I’m learning to embrace the “i did nothing days” and appreciate the self-care that comes with unplugging every now and then. I’m learning to pause and be grateful for the gift of life and the people I love in it.
I am a recovering perfectionist, and I’m learning that my worth is not defined by my productivity. That nothing earthly or of the flesh can fill my heart the way Jesus can. And that my identity and peace lie in Christ.