•S U R V I V I N G. M O T H E R H O O D•
Yesterday was a rough day in motherhood. It was one of those days you never see coming and then when it does it’s like everything around you is falling apart and crashing all around you.
It started off a good day, especially considering what all had happened in the last week. Dog bite- intense. Olivia starting daycare- exciting, yet nerve wrecking. New routine, new environments, we’re trying to find our new normal.
I’m not sure if all the changes were just too much for Olivia, to be honest it’s a bit much for even me, but yesterday my toddler’s emotions were…well I can’t even describe it.
We arrived to dance practice and she had meltdown after meltdown, tantrum after tantrum, causing scene after scene. The stares, the eye rolls, the looks of annoyance. I mean you could hear her screams all through out the entire building. No matter what I did to try and console her it just wasn’t working.
She was so ready get into her class but just couldn’t understand why she had to wait. It was embarrassing. I tried to leave, trust me as soon as I knew this was spiraling out of control I tried to go for the doors, but the lobby quickly filled up and I had no choice but to stick it out.
Some people tried to step in and help, which I so greatly appreciate. But my toddler’s emotions had completely taken over her, there was nothing else that could be done other than her just letting it out of her system.
I cried all the way home from Olivia’s dance practice. The ENTIRE way home. I felt embarrassed, defeated, like a failure.
But then I got home, Johnny took over and I had a moment to myself. Like everything I’ve gone through lately the first thing I did was go to God. “Alright God, what happened. Where did I go wrong, what is it that you’re trying to tell me? What is it that you need from me?” I don’t always hear him clearly, and I don’t always hear him immediately. But I got this feeling of peace, God doesn’t do things on accident. That flat tire, that lost debit card, those hours you unexpectedly got stuck in horrible traffic.
Every situation in life has a purpose and a meaning, even if that message isn’t made clear to you immediately. And I had to remind myself of that in that moment. God does everything for a reason.
So I took a deep breath, and remembered it was just a bad moment. Not a bad day, not a bad life. We had dinner, and proceeded with our regular night time routine. As we lay down for bed Olivia looks at me and says, “mommy, hugs?” So I held her, until she fell asleep(which She never lets me do by the way!) and in that moment my heart was so full.
So here’s to surviving motherhood, all the prayers and mugs of coffee at a time.